Being the Best Mom

Archive for May, 2009

…as the LORD commanded Moses.

Exodus 39:1,5,7,21,26,29,31 and 40:32

I finished reading Exodus this week and couldn’t help but notice as I read the final two chapters that the Israelites did everything to build the temple “as the LORD commanded Moses.” There were the eight statements referenced above, and ten others in chapters 39 and 40 that used slightly different words, but all said the same thing.
Yes. Eighteen times in two chapters it is recorded that the Israelites did everything just as the LORD had commanded.
Coming off of several chapters of the same people grumbling about what God was doing and where Moses was leading, this obedience seems pretty remarkable to me. And since He bothered to mention it eighteen times, I think the obedience was also pleasing to God.

Makes me wonder what my life would look like written out. How many times could it be written that I did “just as the LORD commanded”?
Something to think about this weekend!

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So, the posts for the previous two days have been rather light-hearted and fun. In reading them, one might begin to think that life at the Hossink household is nothing but smiles and good times.

One would be sadly mistaken if one thought such a crazy thing.

We have had our grins, to be sure. However, lest you start to imagine the unthinkable, let me shed some light on another – more typical – moment I had recently.

By now you know that Joshua and I struggle with each other. He can be tender beyond belief, and I cling to those moments. But when he is upset, oh, it’s best to walk carefully around him.

He arrived home late for dinner. Again.
Yes, he had called (when he was already late) and given his excuse. But this was one time too many. His reason for being late never seems to be “his fault” and although he clung to the same story this time, Brian and I decided he needed to be disciplined or he was going to get into a very bad habit. So we grounded him for a few days.
And he wasn’t very happy with us.
Oh, well.
Hope he learns to watch his time better!

At bedtime the same night both Joshua and Matthew were in rare form. And I repremanded them both several times. But Joshua kept pushing me, kept doing what he knows he should not do, kept moving closer to the edge, and finally he went over it.
Got his computer time taken away for three days.
I started by taking away one day, but he kept going. So I did, too.

Then it was time to say goodnight.
I visited Elizabeth and Matthew first, to give Joshua a little time to cool off. In retrospect, I think I would have needed to wait until the morning to have a rational conversation with him. But I didn’t have retrospect at the time (Think about that one for a minute! *grin*) so I went into his bedroom to say goodnight.
And I listened to him ranting about how I had ruined his day, how it was unfair for me to ground him from leaving the yard, and from the computer, and how I was not doing a good job of raising him.
He proceeded to tell me that my discipline was NOT going to teach him anything. He said he would NOT learn from it, and that it would NOT change his behavior. He said it would only serve to make him NOT like me more.

And he re-affirmed that I am NOT a good mother.

I tried to tell him that I understood him not liking my decisions, but I hoped he would learn from them and that one day he would understand I am trying to do what is best – trying to raise him to be responsible and respectful and all that stuff.

He wasn’t interested in listening and I realized I wasn’t doing anything to help the situation, so I said goodnight and left his room. As I walked out I prayed that God would help Joshua understand – I am for him, not against him.
And that is when God led me to a new prayer.
For quite some time I have been praying – in the middle of my struggles with Joshua – Lord, show me his heart. This prayer came at the suggestion of a speaker I heard once, as she was encouraging the audience to seek understanding in the midst of conflict. And as I prayed that prayer again, I added to it, And, Lord, show him MY heart.

Yes, Lord, show him my heart!

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Yesterday I was amused by boys being boys, and today I’m grinning because of girly things.
That would be my daughter.

Every year her school has a Winter Wonderland Dance before Christmas break, and she has already started thinking about what she wants to wear next year. She really likes one of the shirts I wear when I speak (this one) and she asked me a few days ago if she could wear it to the Winder Wonderland Dance next year. I thought it was cute that she was thinking so far ahead and told her that, Yes, she could borrow it.
Then Monday she asked me what I usually wear with that shirt and I told her I wear black or gray slacks. But she wondered if I thought a black skirt would look good with it, and I said yes.
“In fact,” I told her, “I have a black skirt you could wear if you’d like to.”
So she tried on the entire outfit Monday night and, convinced that she looked cute, she asked if she could borrow for the Dance next December. Of course, I said she could.
And her brother wanted to know, “Why are you thinking about what you’re going to wear already?”
My husband and I smiled at him and said, “That’s just what girls do.”

And thinking not soooo far ahead, she is also contemplating what to wear on the last day of school this year.
She wants to dress up and has been going through my closet looking for something nice enough, that isn’t too nice, that fits her perfectly, and that suits her taste.
No luck.
But I think she may just come back to one option.
We’ll see.
Anyway, for as much as I am amused at her desire to “dress up” in my clothes, the thing that really has me giggling is the bigger picture of her plan. Before she will officially plan to wear something dressy to school, she MUST call and recruit at least two of her friends to also get dressy.
Because, that’s what girls do, you know???

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Matthew and his friend were outside playing punt-catch when I heard the scream and saw Matthew running to the door. When he came inside he was crying and I did my best to comfort him and find out what was wrong.
Through a series of winces and gasps for breath I got the story. Matthew had been standing on the picnic table punting the ball. Only the last time – he was a little too close to the edge. He punted and fell right off the table, hitting his back on the way down.
His back was hurting. He was having trouble breathing. He was sweaty and itchy. In general, he was not a happy boy.
I sat him down, rubbed his head, got him a cold cloth and a drink of water. And he seemed to be feeling a little better.
At this point his friend came inside to check on Matthew and we took a look at his back. Wow. He had a pretty big scrape where his back had connected with the picnic table, so Matthew and I went into the bathroom to look for a bandage.
Once in the bathroom – where he was in front of a big mirror – Matthew saw the rather large scrape on his arm, too. And he turned himself around to look at the mark on his back. Let me tell you, Matthew was quite impressed with his wounds. So much so that he didn’t care that I couldn’t find a band aid.
He went back out to the other room to show off the mark on his arm to his friend. And I stood and watched the two of them admire the scrapes. Matthew’s friend said, “Let me see your back again!” And Matthew willingly lifted his shirt.
With that, Matthew’s friend said, “Wow. That must have really hurt.”
“Yeah, for about a second.”
I smiled, remembering the scene when Matthew first came in the house.
And he adjusted his story, “Well, maybe for about a minute.”
And the boys agreed the scrapes were cool.

So there I stood – listening to two nine-year-olds talking with admiration about falls and scrapes and blood, remembering just moments before when one of those boys ran into my arms like he did when he was two, marveling at how quickly the pain had been forgotten, finding only one reasonable explanation for the whole scene: Boys will be boys.
Yep. I think that’s it.

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When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea.
Exodus 13:17-18

Does the same thing stand out to you in this passage that stood out to me?

God did not lead them on the road…that was shorter.

God knew that road held the potential for danger, and could keep His people from fulfilling the plan He had for them. So He led them on a different road.

Oh, friend. What road are you traveling today? Does it feel too long? Are you tired of walking? Do you wish God would show you the short-cut?
He knows what He’s doing. Keep following where He leads!

I pray the peace of Christ will cover you this weekend. And I’ll see you back here Monday!

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If you missed yesterday’s post, please click here to catch up.

OK, so I was sitting in judgement upon the Israelites because I was appalled by their grumbling and lack of faith. In spite of seeing God perform miraculous works, even though they saw Him deliver and provide in perfect time – still they allowed themselves to fret whenever “trouble” arose.
And as I sat there looking down on the Israelites, God began a conversation with me. It went something like this:

Karen, darling, what was it you were asking Me about just a few minutes ago?
Huh? God, how is it that You put up with these people wandering through the desert? Didn’t You just want to give up on them?
No, dear. I’m not talking about the Israelites. I’m talking about you. What is it you were asking me about for your situation?
Oh! You mean when I was asking You to help my children grow in their faith?Karen…
Not that? Um, do You mean that little worry I had about money.
Little?
Well, maybe it was a little bigger than little.
Yes, sweetheart. That’s what I mean. Karen, do you remember times in your past when you have been unsure of how you were going to be provided for?
Well, yeah. There have been lots of occasions.
Remember the deficits we faced when Brian was on staff with InterVaristy, and how You provided donors at just the right time? And those times when the kids needed clothes and our friend from church brought over bags and bags of hand-me-downs? Oh, and what about the day when You led my grandma to hand me a $50 bill instead of $20 to pay for her groceries. And she let me keep it, because she knew it was Your Hand?
Yes. You have always, always taken care of me. You’re very creative, God. It has been amazing to see You work things out!
Thank you. So, Karen, why are you worried now?
What? Huh? Who said I’m worried?
Karen.
Oh. I guess I said that, didn’t I.
Yes, dear.
Sorry.
I forgive you, darling. Sweetheart, I have always taken care of you. I am bigger than your concerns and I can handle them. All of them.
I know you have a lot on your mind. I know you cannot see the things I see, and you do not know how it will all work out – as I know. And I’m glad you talk to Me about these things.
Please keep coming to Me and asking Me to help you with your children. Tell Me your needs – even though I already know them. Ask Me to give you wisdom. Tell Me about your concerns and fears. And then, darling, trust Me.
Remember My faithfulness to you in the past.
Remind yourself that I do not change.
And trust Me, darling. Trust Me.
I do, Father. I will.
Good. And now, Karen? One more thing.
Yes?
Tell your blog friends that I love them!
I will!!!

Friends, God does love you. So very much! And I pray you will hold that knowledge in your hearts today!

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OK, so I am reading through the book of Exodus right now. And I am more than a little appalled by the Israelites.
Have you ever read Exodus? I know I read it last year when I did this read-thru-the-Bible-in-a-year thing the first time, but I had forgotten about these antics of the Israelites.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’ll give you a recap of where they’ve been.

*First, Joseph’s brothers were ticked off at him, so they sold him into slavery.
*God redeemed the situation by using Joseph to save them when there was a severe famine in the land, and the whole family of Israel moved to Egypt.
*They were fruitful and became very numerous, such that the new Egyptian king got worried and decided to deal shrewdly with the Israelites. They became oppressed with forced labor.
*The order was given for Hebrew baby boys to be killed, they continued on in slavery, and they cried out to God for help.
*God heard their cry for help and used Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

Which brings us to the Exodus:
The act of getting them permission to leave Egypt was, in itself, an amazing thing. And it seems to me that display of power should have been enough to carry the Israelites through to the Promised Land.
But as they looked and saw the Egyptians pursuing them, they freaked out at Moses and thought they were going to die.
Moses told them to hang tight – that God would deliver them. And God displayed even more power.
*He parted the Red Sea and allowed Moses and the gang to cross over on dry ground. But the Egyptians who followed in pursuit were all drowned.
*And Moses and the Israelites sang a song to the LORD, praising Him for this display of strength and power.
Amazing, huh? You’d think that would be enough to convince them God could be trusted at all times.

But if you thought so, you would be mistaken.

Because next they traveled for three days without water, and the Israelites began grumbling again.
But God provided water.

Then they started walking through the desert some more and were grumbling again (even saying it would have been better if they had died in Egypt, where they at least had food…), because there was no meat.
And God provided bread and meat.

When they set out traveling once more, there was no water. So the Israelites quarreled with Moses yet again.
And, yet again, God provided.

So, here I sit, reading this plight of the Israelites, thinking to myself, Oh, come on! How many times does God need to show His faithfulness to you guys before you’ll finally get it? You can trust Him to provide exactly what you need, precisely when you need it. What is it going to take to get through to you???

At which point I realize, in many ways I am just like them.

Come back tomorrow and I’ll explain.

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Dear Joshua,
I am sorry we were fighting on the way to school this morning. I don’t like fighting with you and I wish we never did it.
However, I know we cannot avoid conflict. I know you will not like everything I say or some of the things I require of you. And I understand, Joshua. Remember – I was a child, too. I didn’t like a lot of the things my mom said, either. Believe me – I understand you!
But now that I am the mom, I also understand that my mom was trying to do what was best for me. She had knowledge and experience that I did not have, and she was trying to help me walk on the best path. That’s what I am trying to do for you. That’s my job as your mom.
Joshua, I am not perfect. I won’t do everything “right” as a mom. But I will always love you. You can count on that!
Love,
Mom

I wrote this letter to my son and put it on his desk when I got home from walking him to school.
After school we walked home together in peace, and I didn’t mention the letter I had left in his room. Upon arriving home, I needed to leave right away to take my other son to the doctor’s.
As we were pulling into the driveway after the appointment, Joshua and my husband were pulling out – on their way to a Boy Scout camping event. Didn’t even know if Joshua had seen the letter, or not.

Until…

I went to bed that night and found a note on my pillow. It said:
Sorry for the conflict as well. I hope we don’t get in another fight. Love u!
Love, Joshua

Needless to say, I went to bed smiling that night.

Oh, I know there will still be conflicts between us. But God has given me a tremendous peace recently as He has helped me understand more about mothering. I’m still processing, but I will certainly share about it here one day!

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***Just a note: In watching this video, I had to coax it along at times. It kept stopping and I had to slide the button forward a second or two. My computer has been a bit feaky with videos lately, so maybe it’s just me. But if it gives you trouble, too, I hope you’ll endure and watch the whole devotion. Thanks. Love you!

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