Being the Best Mom

Archive for April, 2010

My husband was training one of his elderly clients the other day, when they got into a conversation about our son, Joshua.
Brian was telling this woman about our struggle with Joshua – regarding his tendency to lash out at us and argue.about.every.thing. And his ability to control that temper when he is with other adults. (Teachers, coaches, etc.) It has been a mystery to us. How can the same kid be so difficult with us, but so self-controlled with others?
With all the wisdom which comes from her age, this woman looked at Brian and said, “Of course he goes off on you. He knows he’s safe with you. You love him and you’ll never leave him. So he feels safe working out his issues with you.”

Is that statement as profound to you as it is to me???

My son is secure in my love (Even though he sometimes accuses me of not loving him…) so he feels safe going off on me. Because he knows I won’t reject him.
Wow. In a really weird way, that makes me feel so good!

And I’m thinking this lady should get a free training session for this wisdom shared! *grin*

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In light of what I wrote about yesterday, I thought today it would be appropriate for me to share a quiet moment I had last week.

It had been an OK day, but a very stress-full evening.
*Gathered the kids together after school to run up to church to take pictures for the new directory.
*Rushed home to get dinner ready – to get Matthew to soccer practice on time – which he ended up skipping because he ‘didn’t feel well.’ (There was a BIG scene involved in that one. *sigh*)
*Tried to support Brian as he dealt with an angry Joshua.
*Took Elizabeth to the store so she could spend her gift card. (She is very particular, and though I tried to be patient – wow! – was that ever a loooong shopping trip.)
*Turned my phone on to find out what time it was (And maybe encourage Elizabeth to make a buying decision. *sheepish grin*) and found out I had a voice mail. From the secretary at school. Telling me I needed to make some phone calls to round up help for an activity at school. But I didn’t want another ‘thing’ added to my To Do list!
*Finally made it home after a stop at one more store, and went downstairs to read to Elizabeth while she took her shower. (Because she asked the right question.) But she wasn’t ready yet.
So I slipped my hand in my pocket and felt a piece of paper there. I took it out and read:

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

And I sat down on the steps, leaned against the wall, and let my tears flow as I responded to that verse. I prayed, Lord, I KNOW You are with me, and You are mighty to save. Please take delight in me. Please quiet me with Your love. Please rejoice over me with singing!

And for just a moment, I had a piece of quiet.

I sat and let my Father hold me.

And when I heard, “Mom! I’m ready!” I stood up and went in to read to my daughter. Knowing God was with me, and trusting Him to quiet my anxious heart with His love.

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Ah, did I grab your attention?

Are you a little concerned for my relationship with God, based on the title of this post?
Thanks. You’re a good friend.
But there is no need to be concerned.

It’s just that recently I have been having more conversations with moms, and I am convinced that mothers of young children just can’t have ‘Quiet Times.’ Unless they get up really early, and then they’re prone to being grumpy all day. And what good is that?
Anyway, early rising doesn’t always mean quiet and uninterrupted time.
Mommy? Is that you? Can I get up now, too?

Been there?

I listened to a very discouraged friend bemoaning her lack of quiet times the other day. But we talked about the fact that God loves us and can speak to us – even when our surroundings are noisy. We can enjoy His presence – even in the midst of chaos. We can hide His Word in our heart (or our pocket!) and meditate on it anytime.
It doesn’t need to be quiet, and we don’t need to be sitting alone on the couch in order for our time with God to be meaningful.

And that’s when I decided I wanted to encourage moms to quit having ‘Quiet Times.’

Let’s call it ‘Fellowship with God’ and let’s do it all day long!

When the baby is crying, when the dog is barking, when the kids are arguing, when the dishes need washing and the floor needs sweeping – in every moment of every day, whether we can hear the crickets chirping, or not, let’s enjoy the presence of our heavenly Father. Let’s seek to hear His voice through the noise, and let’s allow Him to love us wherever we may be.

Having said that, I must also say that I understand the very real need for times of silence and solitude. (And I don’t mean only when you’re sleeping!) God often tells us to be quiet and rest in Him. Because He knows we need it.
BUT, if you are in a season when the majority of your time is noisy I want you to be encouraged to know your fellowship with God does not need to come to an end. He has not changed. He is still good. And He is still present.
May you find hope in these truths today.

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I love the chorus of birds chirping in spring. I love how their voices come alive after a winter of silence.

I love hearing and singing “His Eye Is On The Sparrow.”  I love the melody.  I love the comfort in the lyrics.  I love the truth that this hymn sings forth. 

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
Refrain:
I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I love the words of Scripture.  I love how God has promised to hold us in His hand and never let us fall.  I love how He promises that He will not forsake us. 

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.  Matthew 10: 29-31 NIV

And I love the book by Linda Nichols’s book, Not A Sparrow Falls.  It is one of the rare books that I’ve taken the time to read twice.  It is such a beautiful story of redemption.

There is redemption for Bridie, a young woman who has made wrong choices, taken wrong paths, and feels as though she is too far gone for forgiveness.  There is redemption for Samantha, the child who has lost her mother and experiences confusion without her.  There is redemption for Alastair, father and minister, who has lost his wife and lost his way. 

Bridie is running from a dangerous situation of her own making and craving a feeling safety.  When her path crosses with Samantha’s, a young girl looking for safety of the emotional kind, the two form a timid friendship.  But how does Alastair, a man who is just as floundering (but doesn’t know it), play into their quest for a guiding hand?  As their stories proceed and twist into one another, it is beautiful to watch the characters build each other up while still struggling to find redemption of their own.

This is not a sappy story that attempts to put a happy face on tough problems.  It is a moving story of real life and real consequences and the hope that God brings despite the pain.  Having read the book several years ago, I was excited to see it come out in re-issue.  I found myself reading snippets between tasks…slipping in a chapter at naptime…rocking Benjamin before bed and reading a few more lines.  It is that good…and I’m pleased to offer a copy to one of my readers. 

*****

• Earn 1 entry by leaving a comment with the name of a favorite book.
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Giveaway ends Friday, April 30 at 9 pm ET. Open to U.S. readers only.

 

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in the taking of these pictures.

Recently, when both Brian and I were out of the house, our kids got online and found a recipe for fake blood.

They made it.

And it looked real.

So they let their imaginations go, and staged some ‘scary’ scenes.

And they were so proud of their work, they took pictures!

And even though it’s kind of gross, I can’t resist sharing their, uh, creativity with you.
Just remember, No humans were hurt in the taking of these pictures.
(But I can’t seem to find my corn syrup. And my red food coloring is mysteriously low…)

Oh, yes. My children are so creative. *sigh*

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I am trying to teach my children to ask the right question.
Because, you see, I am selfish. And if they don’t learn to ask the right question, they’re never going to like the answer they receive.

Let’s see if you get what I’m saying.

If you were – oh, my son – and you wanted me to go outside with you and throw the football around (Even though I might, uh, break a nail!), should you ask:
Mom, do you want to play football with me?
or
Mom, will you play football with me?

OR, if you were my daughter and it was time for you to do the dishes, and you wanted me to read to you while you were doing your chores (Even though I had just spent enough time in the kitchen making dinner.), should you ask:
Mom, do you want to read to me?
or
Mom, will you read to me?

Do you see the difference?
Do you understand why it’s important for my children to ask the right question?

If they ask me a question which begins, “Do you want to…?” chances are the answer is going to be, “No.”
Because I am selfish.
And if someone is asking me to do something that wasn’t my idea, and isn’t centered around me and my comfort, I probably don’t really want to do it.
Just bein’ honest! *grin*

BUT, God is refining me. He is teaching me to say NO to my selfish desires. (Doesn’t mean the selfish desires are gone. Just that He’s helping me to say NO to them.)
Therefore, if my children learn to ask the right question, (i.e. “Will you…?” rather than, “Do you want to…?”) there is a much greater likelihood that my response will be, “Yes.”

Soooo, until my little darlings ‘get it,’ I’ll keep following up their Do-you-want-to?s with, “Honey, you’ve got to ask the right question.”

And, actually, I’m kinda wondering if there might come a day somewhere in this refining process when I’ll be able to answer even the Do-you-want-to?s with a YES.
Now, that would be truly amazing. Don’t you think?

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1. Happy Friday, everyone! I hope you had a great week. It seems like just yesterday I was telling you that I was preparing for a conference, and now it’s already here…

The SCBWI…

Visit my website at www.mycup2yours.com for full content, links, and more…
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Darn it! I broke a nail when I (tried to) catch that ball!

Why I Should Play* Football

Because connecting with my son is so much more important than a perfect manicure.

Know what I mean?

* And by ‘play,’ of course I mean throw the ball, and attempt to catch it. No tackling involved.

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