Being the Best Mom

Archive for June, 2010

A few weeks ago, my friends and I spent a girls’ weekend at Lake Tahoe. (We all live in different cities and it’s a tradition we have to get together every…

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Had a little episode this past weekend with Joshua. See, Joshua wanted me to take him fishing and I didn’t want to. But God changed my heart when I thought of a resolution I’d made to myself previously.
I wrote an article about this idea a while ago, and decided to post it here today. Hoping it will encourage all my mommy friends. (And anyone else who is prone to saying NO too quickly!)

Say What???

“Mom, can I have a snack?”
“No. It’s almost dinner time.”

“Mom, will you take me to the playground?”
“No. I’m folding laundry right now.”

“Mom, can I get a new Barbie?”
“No. You don’t need any more dolls.”

“Mom, will you put my toys away?”
“No. That’s your job.”

“Mom, can I go to bed early tonight?”
“No. Er, what?”

Do you find yourself saying, “No,” more than you say anything else? When your child approaches you with an inquisitive look on her face, (or angelic, if she’s trying to manipulate you) do you already feel your lips puckering up for the big N-O? Do your kids think you don’t even know the word “YES” exists?

If you answered “Yes” to these questions, well, that was a new experience, wasn’t it?! Seriously, if you answered “Yes” to these questions, you’re probably a lot like me. My kids pepper me with questions all day long and, in all fairness, many of their questions should legitimately be answered, “No.” But there came a time when I realized I was saying, “No,” to everything.
If a question was asked, the answer was, “No.” I wasn’t even thinking anymore. My answer was as reflexive as my knee when the doctor taps it.

It bothered me greatly when I realized I was saying, “No,” so much. I felt incredibly negative, and I wondered if my kids were picking up on it. But what could I do about it? I certainly wasn’t going to allow my children to have snacks five minutes before dinner, to watch three movies a day, or to stay up late whenever they wanted, just so I could avoid saying, “No.” It seemed just as unlikely they would stop asking me the questions which required a “No” answer.

What was I to do?

The answer came to me one day, in the middle of a barrage of questions. My daughter called out, “Mom?” Instead of answering, “What?” as I usually did, I said, “Yes?” Then my son wanted something and he called, “Mom?” I replied, “Yes?” Moments later, son number two needed me and said, “Mom?” I came back with, “Yes?” All of a sudden it hit me. My kids call out “Mom?” so often that if I always answer back with, “Yes?” it will sound like I’m saying “yes” all day!
Saying, “Yes,” may not be so difficult after all.
Yes, I think I can do this!
I’d like to say this little discovery was all it took to end the frustrations and difficulties I encounter each day. But that would be a lie.
I’d also like to say this little discovery was all it took to solve my saying “No” problem. But that would be shallow.
What really happened is this little discovery led me to start saying, “Yes,” to more than just, “Mom?”
As time went on and I was allowing that word to pass from my lips a little more often, sometimes it slipped out when my daughter asked, “Mom, will you sing me another song?” Occasionally it found its way out when she asked, “Mom, can I have a piece of your gum?” Once it managed to get out when my son asked, “Mom, will you take me fishing?” (“No” found its way back quickly when the same son asked if I wanted to put the worm on the hook!)
My kids seemed surprised when I started saying, “yes,” more often to them. They also seemed to be smiling a little more frequently. I noticed a definite skip in Joshua’s step when we were walking to the fishing dock. This “yes” thing was making a positive difference for all of us.
I am still unwilling to give my children everything they desire. We need to have limits and boundaries. I am the adult here, and will do my best to maintain order and a sense of moderation. Being the adult, however, I realize I am also the one to be an example for my children.
I have found that saying, “Yes,” also affords me the opportunity to be a model for them.
My kids are pretty good at being selfish. They don’t need me to model that trait for them. I realized, however, modeling that trait is exactly what I do most of the time I say, “No,” to them.
No, we can’t go sledding because, honestly, it’s cold outside and I don’t want to be cold.
No, you can’t spend your birthday money today because that would require me to change my plans and take you to the store, and I don’t want to change my plans.
No, you can’t play a game on the computer because I want to check my e-mail now.

Selfishness isn’t very attractive when it’s laid out so plainly, is it?

Having come to this understanding about the impact of that one little word, this is the decision I have reached regarding all future questions these children will pose to me: If the object of their question will not bring them harm, if it is not an unreasonable request, and if I cannot think of an unselfish reason to say, “No,” my answer will definitely be, “Yes!”
How about you?

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The kids have been at Grandma and Grandpa’s for a few days and Mike and I have been enjoying some time alone, so I’m putting up a post from my archives (which turns out to be…

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Monday could have been remembered as a really bad night at work.

*Our communication with insurances went down so everything was taking longer. And most customers weren’t happy about that problem.
*There was the man whose daughter’s doctor (apparently) called prescriptions into two different pharmacies, whose wife tried to (angrily) solve the problem with one of the pharmacies, which resulted in him driving all around town looking for said prescriptions, while his little girl sat at home with a fever – waiting for her medicine. (His rendition of this story was not as calm or kind as mine. LOL!)
*Let’s not forget the pregnant woman who let me know how angry she was because we were out of the pre-natal vitamin she needed. I didn’t bother to ask why she waited until she was out of vitamins to come get her prescription refilled. (Oh! Did I really just say that out loud? *grin* I mean, I understand ‘pregnancy brain’ but when did that involve being unkind to me???)
*And, there’s also the point that we were too busy for me to take my break. Not necessarily a big deal, but in the midst of it all – 15 minutes to sit down and have a snack would have been nice.

However, as the closing hour was getting near and a customer’s amount due came to $11.11, I smiled and thanked God for carrying me through the difficult evening.
But it wasn’t until after 9:00 when I was closing the window that I understood God wasn’t just saying, I carried you. He was also saying, I Am not finished yet.
Just as I was about to get the window closed (It had given me some trouble closing. Guess Who was behind that???) a woman came around the corner, asking if we were still open. I apologized and said we were closed. And my co-worker gave her two options for 24-hour pharmacies, which – unfortunately – weren’t very near to us. This woman looked quite frazzled and the pharmacist told me to ask what she needed.
I asked, and the pharmacist said she would get it ready for her.
When I came back to the counter, I saw tears in the woman’s eyes and I went to get her a tissue. Upon returning, I asked if she was OK and that’s when she let out her stress and the fears which had been piling up the past two days. She told me about her son’s accident and hospitalization, about her responsibility to watch over him now that he’s home, and her fear that she wasn’t going to notice if something goes wrong. As I listened to her, I was so glad the pharmacy was ‘closed’. There was no one else there who needed my attention – no customers waiting in line – no one. I was able to give this dear mother my full attention, and I was so thankful.
She thanked me for my kindness, and I told her that everything about me comes from my faith in God. And I asked if I could pray for her. That’s when she told me her faith is also in God. So we approached Him together – there in the pharmacy.
We said, “Amen,” I gave Karen her son’s prescription, and promised to continue praying for them. And I am.

I will likely never see Karen again, here on earth. But I know God has His eyes on her and I am so thankful for the opportunity to be a brief part of her life.

God is good!
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On a fun note, I am going to be a guest on a local radio program tomorrow. The program is called, In Her Shoes, and airs on WJIM 1240AM at noon(EST). My slot is from 12:06-12:18. Those of you in the Lansing area can tune in on the radio. The rest of you can listen live on the internet. Here’s the link.

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I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Read more: Things That Go Sniff in the Night

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Those of you who know me well ought to be laughing after reading that title.
If you’ve been around here long enough, you know God often repeats Himself to me. And it’s in the repeating that I finally learn.

I am reading a book during my quiet times called Spiritual Disciplines Companion, by Jan Johnson. And I am currently in Section Seven: Simplicity and Fasting. Jan talks a lot about how we can grow spiritually, how our character is strengthened, and our trust in God increases as we fast (from food, and various other things) and find our fulfillment in Him. She gives lots of encouragement for us to find ways to slow down and put our focus on God rather than on the stuff of this world.
And that was all good.
I agreed with what she wrote.
It made sense.
I even gave thought to how I might incorporate simplicity and fasting into my life regularly.

But it was when I got to church Sunday, and heard this sermon (It’s about 50 minutes long. Sooooo worth your time!) that I knew God was calling me to action. Or, rest, as the case may be. *grin*

My Rest Plan? Well, my kids are spending a few days at Grandma’s right now. So today I am unplugging the internet. Won’t check email, won’t read blogs, won’t update Facebook, won’t click on Google to look for anything.
Instead, I am going to be silent today – except that I’ll likely spend some time singing. I’ll probably take a walk, or two. And I am going to be spending time in prayer and in His Word.
I just want to connect with God. I want to draw close to Him, un-distracted by the stuff of ‘regular’ life.
My intention is to make this a weekly thing. Not sure how I’ll work that out when the kids are home, but I trust God will make a way. In fact, He’s shown me before that I can connect with Him while I’m connecting with my kids. Yeah. I’m sure He’ll make a way.
After all, He’s already told me twice that He wants me to slow down. And I’m catching on a little quicker these days. You don’t only have to tell me twice. *wink*

How about you? Is God tugging at your heart to slow down, too? Please accept this encouragement to watch the sermon in the link above. It’s good stuff.
Have a Jesus-full day!

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On Sunday Brian and I took the kids to a county park (sort of) near our house. They wanted to play with Mindy in the dog park, and Brian and I wanted to nap in the sun. (We settled for a ‘nap’ in the clouds. *sigh*)
As I was laying there, I couldn’t help over-hearing an interaction between a woman and child which must have been occurring only 10 feet away from me. It was time for this family to leave the park, and the child did not want to go. I resisted the urge to open my eyes, roll over, and watch the scene. But – based upon what I could hear – I’m guessing the child was less than two years old. As the child protested, the mother said, “C’mon, now. You’re trying to embarrass me. Stop it. Let’s go.”
And that statement she made, “You’re trying to embarrass me,” hung in the air like a bad stench.
Everything in me wanted to get up and go say to her, “Your child is not trying to embarrass you. She has simply had fun here at the beach and she wants to stay longer. She isn’t being vindictive. She’s being a toddler.”
But I know better than to get in the way of an Irritable Mother (LOL!) so I kept my eyes and my mouth shut.

However, the little conversation I had in my head with the irritable mother? God brought it back to me later that evening.

Joshua wanted to play with some friends and was eager for me to get dinner ready (earlier than usual). When we got home, I changed my clothes and started preparing dinner. Then Joshua came into the kitchen to ask how long until dinner was going to be ready. I told him, “About half an hour,” hoping that would be quick enough to satisfy his urge to play.

I absolutely did not expect the response he gave me.

Rather than being upset that I was taking too long, he protested that I was not giving him enough time to do the things he wanted to do before dinner.

What???

I responded with something along the lines of, “I thought you wanted to have dinner early so you could play with your friends afterwards. Now you’re mad because I’m making it too soon? I can’t win with you!”
He got sassy back, and I got more irritable.
Joshua stormed off in a huff and I stood in the kitchen. Baffled by my son, frustrated with his attitude, and wondering why he so frequently takes me to this place of angst.

And right about then, God brought back the words I had wanted to say at the park. I thought of how – as an outsider – I could see the woman’s child wasn’t really trying to upset her. Because I wasn’t in the midst of her circumstance, because I wasn’t frustrated with her child, I was able to view things from the child’s vantage point. I was able to remember the child was, well, a child!
Looking in on her moment, I was filled with compassion and wanted to say, “Dear Mother, she’s just being a toddler. Won’t you extend her some grace?”

That’s when I could almost hear the words in my own heart.

Karen, he’s just being an adolescent. Won’t you extend him some grace?

I had to pause and look heavenward, asking, “Are YOU talking to me???”

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We went to brunch at one of our favorite breakfast spots on Father’s Day.

It’s a restaurant that’s also a nursery, with a beautiful garden and gorgeous plants and flowers all…

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