Being the Best Mom

Archive for July, 2010

I have discovered a new medicine at the pharmacy this week!

Well, it isn’t actually ‘new’. In fact, it’s been around for a long time. But this week I’ve been giving it out more frequently and have been impressed by the immediate results it provides.

“It” is attention and a kind word.

When I have encountered less-than-pleasant customers at the pharmacy, I have always tried to be cordial – with the hopes they will lighten up a bit, too. But this past week I decided to go further. Rather than reacting to my situations, I tried to shape them.
I noticed the beautiful earrings one woman was wearing, and I told her how much I liked them.
I complimented another woman on her pretty shirt.
A 96-year-old woman walked up to the counter and I told her how wonderful she looked.
Spent some time talking with a 9-year-old boy while his mom’s prescription was getting finished, and encouraged him to help his mom through her illness.
And I noticed a similar response from each of these individuals.
*Smiles on their faces.
*Brightness in their eyes.
*A lift in their voices.
*Even an appearance of standing a little taller.

It was so easy! I paid attention to these people. Looked at them, saw remarkable things, and said so. And they responded immediately.
Working in the pharmacy, I have become increasingly aware of our tendency to point out that which is unsatisfactory – our propensity to complain. (As if mothering didn’t show me enough of that behavior!) But it has also given me the opportunity to ‘experiment’ on several individuals each day, to confirm how effective attention and a kind word can be at lifting a person’s spirits.
You don’t need a prescription for this medicine, and there are no over dose warnings. Take it with or without food. It will not make you drowsy or dizzy. Apply it liberally whenever you have the opportunity!

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Happy 7 Quick Takes Friday! It seems like I have a bunch of miscellaneous updates to share, so here we go…

1. First, do you remember the story I told you about my friend Carole’s daughter and …

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Question: When is it a good thing for your sons to blatantly disobey, and then to boldly lie about their disobedience?

Answer: When you follow through with swift and firm discipline, and see wonderful results.

Last weekend Joshua and Matthew were lighting smoke bombs with their friend. Brian and I had specifically told the boys NOT to play with the smoke bombs, but Brian smelled the evidence. He went to find them and was first told by Joshua and then Matthew that they had not been lighting the smoke bombs. It was their friend who finally admitted the truth – though Brian already knew, from the smell and the boys’ guilty faces.
The two of us spent some time discussing the consequences of the boys’ actions, and settled on good ol’ fashioned grounding. No leaving the yard, and no electronics for a week.

Honestly? I was afraid of our decision. While Matthew took the judgement with ease, Joshua was livid. Didn’t want to talk to Brian or I Saturday night. I couldn’t imagine what it was going to be like living with him for the next seven days. And Sunday morning, he was still angry.
(How timely that the sermon Sunday morning was about discipline, as God acted severely among a people who would not listen to Him. See Malachi 2:1-9. I think Joshua may have been listening.)
By Sunday afternoon, he was inviting friends over to our house.
Monday they all came over again. And had lots of fun.
We played games together as a family.
When I came home from work Tuesday night, I found that Joshua had warmed dinner and set me a spot at a candle-lit table. He scooped ice cream for dessert with a cherry on top, and even cleared my place for me, rinsed the dishes, AND put them in the dishwasher. A little later we all played Rummikub together again. And when Joshua was tired he ‘let’ me come in and sing to him and rub his back/legs before saying good-night.

Joshua was hanging out at home with his friends. When he was ‘bored’ he did sweet things for me. We were playing games together as a family. Oh, yeah. I’m lovin’ it!

But, alas, by Wednesday Joshua was changing his tune. Complaints of boredom were increasing. He started to accuse Brian and me of being too severe with his discipline. Said if we wanted him to like us, we shouldn’t make his grounding last for a week.
However, I asked Joshua what he was going to do the next time we told him not to play with smoke bombs. He told me he wouldn’t do it. I asked why, and he said because he didn’t like being grounded.
Ahhhh, my son! You see? That is exactly why we chose a swift and severe punishment. So you would learn that obedience is always a better choice.

Soooooo, while I was not pleased with my sons’ actions last Saturday night, I am thrilled with the results which have come from the consequences. God has a habit of taking that which was ‘bad’ and using it for good – and I see Him doing it here, too. Trusting Him to continue pouring grace on this family of mine. Oh, how we need it!

My prayer for you today is that you may trust in Him, too, watching for evidence of His hand at work in your every moment.

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Notice the new Thrifty Thursday button this week?  A big thank you goes to my friend Allyson who donated her precious time to design it for me.  Feel free to add it to your post or blog by copying and pasting the html code (found under the Thrifty Thursday button in my sidebar). 

As a mentioned last week, this week is an opportunity to share thrifty recipes.  Bananas are a hot commodity in our house.  We like them slightly green but since they only stay that way a short time, when a bunch is on the counter, you’ve got to be quick to get one!  It usually works so that every banana is eaten except one and then there is a battle over who gets to partake.  Or occasionally, a lone banana passes its peak and no one wants it anymore.  One banana is not enough to make banana bread or banana muffins so I came up with an idea so that everyone gets to share in the goodness of that last banana. 

Banana Drinks

Slice one banana and place the chunks in the freezer for 3-4 hours or overnight.  (It works without freezing, too.  The drinks are just less icy.) 

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I know I mentioned this a few weeks ago. But it bears repeating.

What are you doing September 24-26, 2010?

I am registered to attend the first-ever gIRL (girlfriends In Real Life) Gathering, in Black Mountain, North Carolina. I know a few blogging friends who are planning to attend. (Looking forward to spending time with Lisa and Leah, and rooming with Heather!)
And I would absolutely LOVE to meet you there, too.
So, will you come?
There are still some spaces available.
Please check out the details here, and consider it.

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For those of you in west Michigan, what are you doing the weekend of October 15 & 16? I am speaking at a women’s retreat and would love for you to join me there. Click here for details.

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We try not to give Bailey any table scraps when we eat.

But somehow, she manages to find things to chew on anyway…

(That would be her with paper towel in her mouth–and all over the…

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Oh, how the LORD brings these lessons home!

It was last Friday. I had just finished recording yesterday’s devotion, talking about loving well. I was fully convinced that imperfections and unfulfilled plans could be overshadowed – even wiped out – when we love well. When we let the love of God flow through us onto the people we’re serving. Though I was tired, I was still on a high from the great week I’d just had and I felt like all was right with the world.

Until…

Joshua and I had an unpleasant encounter.
He was angry with me for making him come home from his friend’s house so I could take him to mow a lawn. Never mind that he knew ahead of time he needed to mow the lawn Friday afternoon. Never mind that he gets $20 every time he mows this lawn. He was having fun with his friends and he didn’t want to come home.
But I insisted. He made a commitment and we were going to fulfill it. So in his eyes, I was responsible for – and I quote – “ruining his day.”
At one point I asked Joshua why he seemed to prefer his friends so much over his family. (Yeah. That was a dumb question. An invitation for lots of words I didn’t want to hear. *sigh*) I got an ear full with his response. And I began wondering if this is simply part of a phase he’s going through.
Or if I am doing something terribly wrong as a mother.
I wanted to know what I need to do differently.
Wanted to understand my son and make this situation ‘all better’ so he would be happy and I would be peaceful.

Because the trend we were on was clearly not the course I had planned.

I thought about the lesson I learned in VBS, the words I’d just spoken in the video, and I asked, God, how am I supposed to love him well when he doesn’t even want to be here? How can I possibly love him well when he’s pushing me away so hard?
And the key Bible verse of the week rang through my mind:

If any of you lacks wisdom he should ask of God who gives to all generously and without criticizing and it will be given to him.
James 1:5

Yes, LORD. I’m asking for wisdom – because I lack it. I do not know what to do. But I know YOU know this boy. You created him – You knit him together in my womb. You know everything about him. Please show me how to love him well. Even when things aren’t going the way I planned.

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