Being the Best Mom

Archive for the ‘Surviving Motherhood’ Category

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Monday night I felt like I needed to just go to bed and cry.
Because when I get this overwhelmed, crying seems like the most reasonable thing to do. *sigh*
I prayed. I told God I know He will bring me through these days. I remembered that He is faithful. And then it was as if He said, Yes. I Am. You’ve been here before. I was with you then, and I am with you now. Fear not, dear one.
Are you in the same place as me? The beginning of the school year. Letters from school – for all three kids – full of information I need to know, and coordinate, and remember, and…
Letters from church – for all three kids – full of information I need to know, and coordinate, and remember…
Running through check-lists: Does this child have everything she needs? Has he gotten his schedule yet? Does he need anything else? What about lunches? Is our account all set up?
This year we have football practice and games thrown in there. And my new job. (BIG Grandparent’s Day celebration coming up this Sunday.)
And I just want to hide under a rock until it all passes by and everyone is happy in their routine, and it’s safe to come out again.

Yes. I have been here before.
I remember now.
It’s like this every year when school begins. I always feel like I’m going to drown in the sea of Too-much-stuff-to-do. But rather than hiding under a rock, I’m going to climb upon The Rock and trust Him to carry me through.

Will you do the same?

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So, now I hope you’ll understand why I’m not going to be blogging for the rest of the week. BUT I will make a video devotion for Monday. Because God showed me something a couple days ago that I am excited to share with you! *grin*

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I know it’s a day early, but my family is leaving Thursday morning for an end-of-summer trip up north. I won’t be blogging until we get back, and I didn’t want to miss a Lessons from the Edge post.
So here it is.
A day early. *grin*

The need for grace has no age limit.

That’s the lesson I learned at Edgewood this week. And here’s how:

*Our oldest resident (She’ll be 103 in a few weeks!) joined us for Exercise Class this week. She loves to sing, and does so all.the.time. Which really is fine with me, because I love to sing, too. Except her humming can be quite high-pitched and slightly painful to the ear. However, as I looked around the Activity Room during Exercise Class, I saw many people smiling at Helen – extending her grace in spite of their personal preference – because they knew the singing made her happy.

*On Tuesday I was eating lunch with a group of three women – all of whom I would guess are probably in their 80s. One of them told me a cute story about when she and her family moved to Michigan, and I smiled as she shared it. But when she repeated the same story three or four more times, I observed grace coming from her table-mates. The smiles on their faces told me they were used to the repetition, but they really didn’t seem to mind. They cared about their friend, and just let her enjoy her memories.

*We have a resident who is quite a bit younger than the rest. I’d guess him to be in his 40s. He has CP, is deaf, and “walks” around in a wheel-chair of sorts. He needs lots of care, it is difficult to communicate with him, and he always makes a mess when he eats. But I love to see the way residents show kindness and grace to this man. They look out for him, kind of like big brothers and sisters would for their little brother. They excuse the messes he makes, and they welcome him to be a part of the group. It’s a beautiful thing.

*And then there’s me. Hanging on to my 30s for another year and twenty days. Many of the residents at Edgewood comment about how ‘young’ I am. Sometimes I even hear the words, “If I were that young again…”
But being young hasn’t proven to exempt me from needing grace. I have forgotten to note a change in the schedule. I have spoken too fast during announcements. Made a wrong turn going to WalMart, too! But over and over again, I have residents telling me, “You’re doing a good job.” “That’s OK. You’re still learning.” “I’m glad you’re here.”
I welcome their gracious disposition towards me. I need it.

And as the lesson trickles on down the line, I pray God will help me be more gracious toward my children. They’re doing a good job. They’re still learning. And I am so glad they’re here!

***I’m gone now for Labor Day weekend. Will be back to posting next Wednesday!

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I was huffing and puffing as I ran up the hill. With the end of the sidewalk in view I said to myself, “This is it. I am not going to turn around and run this path again. I am tired and I am ready to quit. Running is over for today.” 

Just the night before, I had decided to increase the length of my run by turning around and doubling up on the last section, which would improve my distance by about half a mile.

However…

To read the rest, click here!

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I am currently reading Heart’s Cry Principles of Prayer, by Jennifer Kennedy Dean. Though there have been many statements which have caused me to pause and ponder in this book, today I want to share one with you which I really want to be my heart’s cry.

“I asked God to daily give me the ability to live so that anyone who had contact with me would feel better at the end of the conversation than when the contact began. I want my life to certify or prove the authenticity of my relationship with God.”

Heart’s Cry, page 79

Ah, may this be true of me, too!

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Thanks to a little comment-dialog on Facebook, I’ve settled on a title for the weekly posts I knew I would end up writing about my experiences at Edgewood Retirement Center. So now I present to you my first installment of Lessons from the Edge.
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Whew!
I’m just finishing my third week as the Activities Director at Edgewood. And I can truly say I love it there. Oh, there is so much to learn job-wise, and I am feeling rather overwhelmed in that regard. But I know God is going to lead me through each step. I am trusting in HIM.

Last week – in an attempt to get to know the residents better – I began sitting at a different table each day during the lunch hour. I have heard funny stories and heart-breaking stories. I have been encouraged as a mother to hang in there through the hard times. And I have been reminded of the value of listening to a person – just letting him talk, letting him say the same thing over and over – because he simply needs someone who will listen. But the thing I want to share today doesn’t come from the specific words a person said – rather the relationship I witnessed between a husband and wife.

Right away I was touched by how she took care of his needs. Cutting his meatloaf and pouring his coffee. She wanted everything to be just right for him. Wanted to be sure he was happy. She smiled the whole time she was doting on him.
Then, as our conversation took off, I was a bit surprised when she turned to him and said, “Tell Karen where I worked.” And a moment later, when she asked him, “How old is our second daughter?” She turned to me at that point and explained, “My memory isn’t very good anymore, so I have to ask him a lot of questions.”
And do you know what?
It looked to me as if it delighted him just as much to answer her questions as it delighted her to cut his meatloaf.
They met each other’s needs. Where one was weak, the other was strong – and they delighted in completing one another. They’re like that every time I see them. What a beautiful picture that couple is to me about the way a husband and wife can be together.
They’re an inspiration to me, and I’m going to keep my eyes on them!

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Remember when your children were small and every time they did something new they called out, “Look at me, Mom!”? Maybe this is still happening.
There were times when my kids did this so often that I honestly got tired of it. I would be in the middle of trying to get a task done, and stopping every thirty-seconds so I could ‘look-it’ made my task seem like forever to finish.

But then the kids got older, and the requests for me to look at their new trick, or show, or whatever, seemed to vanish.

Until last week.

Joshua just started football practice. This is his first time playing football on a team and he has been receiving lots of instruction. He’s been particularly fond of the tackling lessons. And last week he invited me to come early to pick him up from practice – so I could watch him tackling.
Once I got over the shock that my son – who has been pushing me away so much recently – just asked me to come see him, I realized something. After years of silence, my son just said – in his adolescent way – “Look at me, Mom!”
And it was wonderful to hear.

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Just to give a fair picture, the day after this incident Joshua invited me to come early to practice again. He waved at me from the field when I got there. I was thinking it was so cool that he was happy to see me.
But when practice ended and I thought he would come over to me, instead I found him walking with a friend a good 20 feet in front of me.
Ahhhh, adolescence. The battle between needing mom and not wanting to be seen with her. The battle between holding on to my baby and letting him grow up.

Thank You, LORD, that You have promised to never leave me. I know I won’t be able to make it through this without You!

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The other day I was feeling kinda rotten. It might have had to do with some harsh words which had been spoken to me the day before. It might have been magnified by PMS. I might have been blowing it out of proportion, too. The point is, I was feeling bad and I just needed God to remind me how good He is, and how much He loves me.
So I sat down to pray and read my Bible, and I asked God to speak to me. I knew HE knew what I needed – and I asked Him to say it. Then I opened my Bible and my eyes fell upon Psalm 117.

Praise the LORD all you nations;
extol him, all you peoples.
For great is his love toward us,
and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever.

Praise the LORD.

Psalm 117

I read it over several times, and it was as if God was saying to me, Praise Me, Karen. Praise Me! In the midst of the pain – even though your heart hurts right now – praise Me.
My love for you is greater than your circumstance and My faithfulness will never end. Whatever your situation, dear one, I will bring you through it. I love you!
You know this is true, don’t you, darling? So put a smile on that face of yours, and sing My praises!
I’m still smiling about it!
So that was His Word for me. I pray He’ll speak to you through it, as well.

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I heard a sudden knocking on my bedroom door and nearly jumped out of bed. As I called out, “Come in,” I rolled over to look at the clock. It was 12:22AM.
Then I looked back at the now-opened door, and saw Matthew standing there.
My first thought was, Why is this child still up??? But he was quick to explain.
Matthew said he couldn’t get to sleep because he was afraid that he was going to think about scary things, which would cause him to have bad dreams. And since he didn’t want to have bad dreams – he didn’t want to fall asleep.
So I had my second thought. And you want me to do WHAT about this problem???
(I tend to be low on compassion when I’m woken up in the middle of the night.)

Fortunately, God is never low on compassion and He gave me what I was lacking in the moment.

I stumbled out of bed and took the hand of my teary little boy, leading him out of my room and into the hallway. And I’m telling you, if I ever had a doubt that God could give me enough grace to make it through a difficult moment – HE erased it right there. Because even though everything in me wanted to tell Matthew to toughen up, be brave, and go to bed, I found myself sitting down and talking with him about his fears. Reminding him that God is bigger than everything which scares Matthew, that HE is able to handle every fear Matthew may have, and that God loves Matthew and will always take care of him.
By this time I was sitting on Matthew’s bed and he was laying down. I sang ‘Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus’ to him, we talked some more, and I prayed for my son. He seemed quite peaceful then, and I kissed him and went to bed.
I lay in my bed for quite a while then – praying for Matthew, asking God to protect him and to help Matthew look to Him in the midst of all the trials he will face throughout his life. I prayed that Matthew would recognize God’s ability to handle all the fears he faces. I asked God to speak through me as an example of faith to my son. And I thanked Him for that opportunity – even in the middle of the night – to talk about His goodness and faithfulness.

I stayed awake far too long that night. And I was quite tired the next day as a result. But as I reflected back on it all, I realized the interrupted sleep and the weary body were totally worth it! What a blessing to be able to share my faith with my little Mid-night Visitor.

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